Your Views

Other young carers have posted their experiences here. You can too!

MetalHead =] | 15 | Devon
When I was 9 my Mum got ill when we were on a family holiday in Cyprus. All I remember is her crying a lot and my dad telling me and my brother (then 7) that my mum had woken up at 3am convinced me and my brother were in the swimming pool drowning, my dad said we were upstairs, she checked and saw us and still ran out to the pool half-dressed and jumped in the pool looking for us, even though she couldn't swim, my dad had to save her. We came back from holiday early and she was admitted to the local Psychiatric unit. She was diagnosed with a mental disease similar to Bi-Polar Disorder, she had 2 personalities, a Manic and a Depressive, although the Manic was more a Schizophrenic kind of thing. After a while she was released and put on anti-psychotic medication. The medication she was on made her very different from the person we all knew and loved. Every summer she went on a trial period of no medication, only to have to be re-admitted to the psych unit. The second time this happened my dad had a nervous breakdown. I had to look after him and the house and my brother. My brother also has a disorder similar to ADHD - DAMP which stands for Deficit in Attention and Motor Perception, he has poor hand-eye co-ordination, a short tendon in one leg giving him a bad leg, Asthma and short-sightedness as well, the DAMP makes him very short-tempered, hyper and doesn't understand some things very well, you need to repeat yourself a lot, but then he gets mad (he is also fiercely intelligent but naive) So when I tried to look after him it was very difficult, I would ask him to do little things to help like wash the dishes while I did every thing else, but he wouldn't listen "Why should I listen to you? You're not my mum" kinda thing ARGH!

So the whole trial drug thing went on every summer, the most recent time my mum would just wander off without saying anything, another time I came upstairs to find her piling all my stuff up in my bedroom and pouring cough medicine all over it, sticky and ruined, most needed to be thrown away. She first got ill 6 years ago.

She has asthma and also smoked a lot, 20-a-day for about 32 years, she normally gets chest infections in the winter and is admitted to hospital, it's a usual thing and shes fine, but about the 20th November 2008 she was admitted to hospital, overnight she deteriorated and was in a drug-induced coma on a ventilator in intensive care for about a month, then was taken out of the sedation and given a tracheostomy. She was released on Christmas Eve. About 2 weeks into the coma, the Consultant said she would live a few days at the most, and if she got better it would be 6 months to a year. She got past that, but she had a heart attack and was diagnosed with COPD - Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder and a stage 2 heart condition. I researched COPD and it is the number 1 killer in the USA and also deteriorates. I now have to look after her a lot more, help her wash etc. I didn't tell my school anything about my mum's illness till the week before she was admitted to hospital, 6 years after it happened. The whole time I have been struggling and telling someone really helped. We also have financial problems and were evicted from our old house and were in the middle of moving when my mum was in hospital. Because I didn't tell anyone, the stress built up a lot and I would self-harm, but I'm past that now, but I don't want anyone to have to get to where I was, my advice is tell somebody, I told my School Counciller, ask them what their Confidentiallity Policy is before you tell them anything, if you're worried about who/what they can do or say. =]

A | 19 | England
Hey there all.
I never thought I was a young carer till recent.
From 12 to 18yrs...still now but its getting controlled over time. I have been though many things but I don't understand how I manage to always keep my hopes and positivity up after them lol! My mother has had scitzofrenia since I could remember as young as 3 where I remember little memories of crying so much as a tod, my dad has always been a commited carer to my mum but when I understood what I was growing with I stuck in with it. I never went out, didn't have much of a normal social life ever and I did endless errands such as food shopping, trips to the bank and work partime for my own money even though I hardly spend as all of dads went on the rent so pocket money was outta the ques. I go with mum as well to be a secret bodyquard when she was in certain areas as she is an easy victim, innocent but easy vic, she had her wallet stolen 3 times! My dad later got an illness when I was 14 so I had more to look after to, he got depressed at times while helping mum and I had to help cheer em up. My dad was like an older brother rather than a dad and my mum a little sister than a mum. As I spent a lot of time at home I got teased at 14 due to the family I live in that later turned to bullying in the teasing and isolation way, sure it broke my positive spirit for a while but I coped, was a very hard worker at school who got low results and studyed hard at home even when mum had her screaming days..even on the night before my gcses lol, I am a slow learner who has some learning difficulties. hard work at school and I left gutted with low grades was put down but the college staff that I couldn't get into the science I wanted to get into because of my results and ended up working full time all year, hopefully I'm enrolled in an access course this sep so I can get into ed without the dissing off attitude. Mentallily ill people especially my innocent kid like mum are treated like crap here and the hospital wards are just a room where people walk in circles! and they don't even have their own room..its just a figgin curtain between them! got her out of the ward and lived back at home for a bit but now she lives near by where I check on her everyday. At 19 I am still a carer but knowing I have respinsibilites I now try not to let it take over my life, it used to but im focusing on getting into uni when i and I want a life of my own ambitions I never did before and to get a job with above min wage which is crap lol,it will take me a few years longer but o well, socials is getting a bit better as I have a few friends who I hardly see but totally undertand which is why there ace. growing up quick sucks and sometimes wonder if i've matured beyond the teenage years i've never had the chance to live! but im fine with that, I just try and modify and make the best of the worst of situations really....any way sorry about the blah blah blah, getting it off the chest....my message is if it doesn't end try to balance it between what you do and what you want...normo folks don't understand it but we know so much more than them in different way!

kirsty | 15 | pwllheli / wales
My mum has athraitis and I goto help hur with evrything and I got 2 brothers and 1 sister and my dad has lef us and I downt have a normal life and its relly hard to look after my famaly. And I downt get much time with my boyfriend and my mum hates him I neva get to go oute with my friends to have fun and I feal down evry time. My mum dus try and give me wat I want but she dusnt treat me like a teen I need help !!!!

aimee :) | 15 | St. Helens
I think this is really nice. :) you all sound like great people. I've never actually been a young carer but have however looked after my grandad for a number of years, he had alzymers :( so I helped my gran through helping him and we got through it together :) just want to say well done to all these young carers, I'm certain you're all proud :) xxx

Jodie | 14 | WALES (ponty girl)
I like being a young carer becuz I like helpin owt nd stuff like tha plus I like goin owt wid all my m8ts wiv carers nd meetin new ppl when I go alway like 2 southampton nd places like da xxxxxx

Aimee | 11 | Paignton
My name is aimee and im the eldest of 6 children and a carer. My 5 yr old brother is autistic so I help care for my 4yr old brother and 10 month brother, mum is always busy with marshal so needs extra help. I wake up in the morning and feed the younger ones and my 7 yr old brother and 10 yr old sister, then I dress the 2 younger ones before setting of on a 2 hour journey to school. When I get home after school at 6 I help feed my 2 younger brothers as my mum has to feed a very unhappy marshal. I get everyone ready for bed as mum can't leave marshall alone for a second as he will hurt himself or someone else, mum gives marshal sleeping medicine so we can rest in the evening but when everyone is in bed I help mum to clean the house, wash the clothes and get everything ready for the hard work she has ahead of her the next day. Mum never asks for help but I feel responsible as she has so much to cope with, my mum works hard to get everyone to school on time but i'm sometimes late if she needs help getting everyone ready in the morning. My 7yr old brother and 10 yr old sister are late most days so I guess they are carers aswell. By the age of 8 I knew how to work the washing machine and how to prepare lunch. I can't study as my brother is always coming into my room wanting attention. If mum is cooking I have to look after marshal as well, as he will touch the flames from the cooker or take knives out of the draw and may hurt someone. I love my brothers and sister but being a carer is hard work, I shouldnt be changing smelly nappies but playing with my friends but they are my family and I love them.

penut | 11 | WA, Abuarn
Some times I get embarrassed in school, at home and at different places. And I love my family and friends a lot. And one of my best friends died today at 2/18/07.

ByebyE, Lots of love Ahlam ;-)

Ollie | 13 | Longstone
Hiya my name is Olivia but my mates call me Ollie!
My experiences of being a young carer is that my mum had Breast Cancer and I was only eleven at the time I am thirteen now! My little nephew Adam was only 4 at the time so he never really knew what was happening and he never really understood why his nana yum-yum (that's what he calls her!) was in hospital! Im actually writing about it in English and it's called 'Someone Special 2 Me' and it's just really about what happened in hospital and she developed an ulcer so she had to stay in hospital for another week! Now I have a social worker called Sharon, she is really nice and she also loves Chocolate Wafers like me and my big sis Lisa!

Cheryl | 41 | San Francisco, California
This is a message of hope for young carers. When I was 7, my 13 year old brother was murdered by our next-door neighbors, his best friends. It was a racist murder, and it drove my parents mad. My father became a violent alcoholic who often threatened our lives (four remaining children and his wife). My mother abused me in many ways; she threw away my cat, she made me wear highheels everyday for a year, even for running track. I was helping with housework at age 4, washing dishes and cooking by age 7. I worked summers painting houses by age 10.

In my last two years of school, I had two jobs, and I was studying to become a real estate agent. At 18, I got a full time job as a secretary working for a major corporation, and I got my license to sell real estate. Again, I worked these two jobs, but I had my sights on something higher: college.

Good luck to all of you. What seems a weakness and a hardship today may someday be the source of your strength and motivation. I have gone much farther in my career, and I have had far more fun, than anyone I grew up with.

Rachel | 12
My mam is asthmatic and I loved going shopping but now I hate it because I need to go with her and carry nearly all the bags and I hate we havent got a car either but you know. We go to Netto where everyone hates and the bus stop that we get off is where all my friends live and then they see me and pick on me. I hate my life I want to be ricccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Taz | 19 | Hebburn
I have been a young carer form the age of 8 till 18 when my mam had passed away. I still find it hard to cope day to day. The staff at the young carers is very kind to me all the time and some times I have good days and bad days. My friends help me at college as well and my family do too.

Aoife | 9 | Waterford, Ireland
I hate playing with my sister when all my friends are out playing and I am stuck inside.

It is so unfair.

Leah | 15 | Stevenage, Herts
hi..my mum has M.E (chronic fatigue) and I have a younger bro who is 4 I have to help out alot at home doing lots of housework and things it is quite hard at times such as when my mum has a really bad day she can hardly walk and use her body so she just wants 2 stay in bed, I help as much as I can with my brother but sometimes it is hard because I get stressed out and I shout at my brother and then he will shout back and then start playing up. she has had it since i was little and we have been through alot together ever since I was about 5 my life has been tough! at times I think that I could be treating my friends and family badly but at times I dont really care about any one apart from myself! I feel some days like I just want 2 curl up in a little ball and stay there until everything bad goes away but I no I cant do that in my situatuion!!
id like 2 sayy a huge well done 2 all da young carers out dere!! u r all gr8 4 doin wat u do!!! lv Leah x x

likkle secret | 13 | white city / bush
hello people its chelsea ere, I ave been comin carers frm the start of yr 7 an has chang my life a lot, they help me when I got angry an also help me when im upset, they also take u on trips. Befor dis it was hard 4 me coz I have 2 special needs bruvs an der smetimes hard 2 handle 4 my mum so I have 2 steep in 2 help her. one of my brothes gose 2 boardin skool coz he gets very hyperactive an smetimes flips out ann is very scary but I ave 2 deal wid it an try an carm him down he carms down more when my dad gets home so its better. my other bro live wid me full time an I have 2 help my mum by makin hes bed an help him 2 do suff. my brother are really nice an I love dem 2 bits but its hard smetimes.

Micky | 15 | Morecambe
I’m only 15 and I look after my mum who has had 6 strokes and it is really hard. I’ve tried every thing to help her. My mum is only 32, she should not be getting strokes. I find it really hard to cope even in school I break down.

Elisa | 19
It's been a while since I looked in on this site, i'm one of the original young carers who started up this site to support and help young carers around the world. I am so glad to see that we have reached as far as australia. It's so exciting.

Since I and my friends started this web site we have done many things. I myself am now in full-time employment, and am off to see the sites of venice in febuary. Travelling was something I never thought I could do or if I could it would only be within the uk, but thanks to the support of the young carers I went to paris, brussels and many residentials to wales. They also gave me the confidence to turn around and say I am going to do this because I WANT to, I am doing it for me therefore it is important, I need the break. So I have now been to germany, spain, ibiza, brussels three times, and many more places. Travelling is something I find fun and exhilirating.

I guess what I am trying to say is that even though we have more responsibility than most people, we should never lose sight of what matters to US, always look after ourselves as well as our cared for. Being a carer has made me see the world in a different light, in a good way, it has taught me to think for others not just about myself, but also to see how me doing something could affect other people around me (which can sometimes turn me into a worry wart but who cares? better to be safe than sorry) it has helped me to progress in this world in ways which wouldn't have been possible had I had a normal childhood. I have achieved much more in the past 4 years than most of my "normal" friends will in the next ten years. I see it as a gift that I will always cherish I hope others do to.

I know it's easy to say I want out, but when you do get out it is better as you may have waited longer, worked harder for it, but you know you deserve it more!

Hayley | 12
I am a young carer to my mum who is an alcoholic. It is really upsetting because when she is sober she is lovely and really funny but when she is drunk she is a different person - mean, angry and just plain horrible.
I love her but seeing her fall over and shout makes me sooo angry.
It is so not fair.

Bob | 16 | London
My mum had a nervous breakdown when I was only 13 and I had to do everything such as cooking, cleaning and many other things. I'm starting college now, I feel like my whole life is ahead of me and I aint no one stop me from doing what I want to do. I hope dat don't sound selfish! any other poets out there cos I write poetry.

BABY_EMS | 14 | PETERBROUGH
HEY IM EMMA N IM 14 YRS OLD I AVE A 3 YR OLD BRO WHOS GOT CELEBRAL PAUSEY N MY MUM LOOKS AFTER HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY N ME N MY OTHER BRO WHOS 9 HELP HER ITS REALLY HARD AT TIMES N I GET REALLY STRESSED N DWN AT TIMES I REALLI FEEL FOR ALL DA PPL WORSE OFF DEN MY LIL BRO. MUM SED IT WULD B GUD 2 CUM ON ERE SO I CN CHAT 2 PPL WHO UNDERSTAND WOT IM GOIN THROUGH N STUFF LUV EMMA XX

peggle | 12 | rainow
my mum never listens!!!!!!!!

tammy | 18 | hebburn
hi there I have been a carer for 5 years until 11.03.2005 when my mam had passed away and now I am very lost with nothing to do at all and I go to college for three times a week and when I am off college I have nothing to do.

laura | 14 | fulham
it's hard being a carer but I can live wit and i get on wit my life and I hope other carers can live wit it 2 big up all da carers brap bpap !

TWISTED chicken | 17 | Stonebridge, northwest
Well when I was in year 9 me and my friends got involved in looking after youths in nursery and we was all working towards a vocational/qualification certificate and we all got one at the end of term, which was great but still i'm kinda tired, so safe for now.

Clive | 47 | Cumbria
I am my wife's carer and have been for a long long time, also I have a forum running trying to help carers (of any age including oldies like myself) get some recognition. I know caring can be very draining and more so for younger carers.
Good site you have here, keep up the good work guys.

djspan | 16 | north watford
it is very hard I dont even have time to do my own things I dont even have time to sleep I just need to get some rest my mum is disabled because she had jumped of the big shopping center and she has schizophrenia and I have that on my mind as well as my gcse exams that r in 10 DAYS

Hannah | 12 | Skelmersdale
When I was about eight my mum had lazer treatment on her eyes and was blind for 3 weeks so I had to help her to get around the house and to the toilet. Then when I was 11 my mum got breast cancer and was in hospital for a week, when she came out of hospital I had to help her as she needed rest and couldn't do much anyhow. I used to walk to my brother's primary school and pick him up then cook the tea with a bit of help from my nana and other people. My mum told me she was very proud of me because she couldn't of got through it without me. Hannah xx

Kristina | 14 | Canada
Well I dont know I havent had a lot of experiances at all I just came along this site and I want to say to yall that pedal to the medal! I read ya guys stories and I saw your movies! You guys know what ya doing just keep on being strong and stick those haters out!!!!

bad boi matti | 19 | Hull
wicked to get respect, 99 plms but the b**** aint one,
these ppl that dont look after someone dont know what struggle is when u duno whats happening next week and that your future aint an ordinary 1 we are just orignal.
peace

Owen | 23 | Darwin, NT. Australia
Hello all, I've been a carer for 14 years now and I wouldn't change a thing. I care for my little sister and now my mother, but we all help each other when we can and I guess you could say we're a codependant family. Through getting Involved with the carers association here in australia I was offered a job doing reception for 6 weeks which has been great, The best advice I could give for other young carers trying to get ahead in life is this, just say yes when asked if you would like to help out or if asked if you want to talk. It's been a huge turning point these last few months and only a year ago I was having trouble getting up in the morning because I had just given up and was depressed. Just getting to know other young carers has been a great experience and your not alone.
--
You can visit the young carers forum Owen has set up.

Claire | 16 | Norfolk
My mum has mental health problems and I have helped her for years but im fed up of being treated like crap so I want out. anyone else feel like that. [Go to bubbly battle to join the debate]

Natalie | 16 | Devon
wkd site I lurve it im also a young carer as I care 4 my dad but over the yrs I av cared 4 my aunt(unfortunatly died), grandad(now in a care home), friend(who unfortunatly died)& of course my dad who I still care 4 but all im goin 2 say is dat young carers rule, & use it 2 ur advantage as ul b wel mre independent dan ur other mates ur age sooooo hang on in there! xx

lizzie | devon
to: bubbles in devon.
Believe in yourself and follow your dream, only u can help u.
I know once I had a dream when I was a kid. Yep other kids they bullied me and spat and beat me but I had a dream.
I grew up and now the adults still try and bully me they say I am difficult, cocky, demanding, but still I believe in me. Hopefully soon I will get my book published and then maybe people in authority like MPs and Doctors and Social Workers etc will understand that not all kids want to be carers, some just have no choice.
Be brave never give in but please believe me there are some of us who are fighting for you and other young carers so that one day you will not feel that no one cares.
I know in your heart u love your Mum just as I loved mine, but I needed a life of my own.

Harriet | 13 | Harrogate
It's very hard sometimes, you look at other famillies and compare them to yours and wish so hard your family could be just like them.A perfect lifestyle, nothing to stop them getting in their way of living their life. It was like that for me about 5 years ago until 2000-2001 my Dad started getting back pains. I used to play jokes by calling him "you old man" and watched him struggle to get out of the armchair. He used to complain about it alot, I just didn't realise that it could lead to a serious life threating condition. Then when I was in the middle stages of being 11, Dad finally went into hospital to find out what was up with his back. He had many tests, and scans- and found out that one of his major valves was faulty, the doctors said this was caused at his birth. A few months later he had an operation, and a few weeks after that he was let home. But serval days later he got sent in again and had more tests and got sent to a different hospital, over 3 days his legs started to feel numb- he thought it was the drugs but that wasn't it. Over nights he couldn't feel his legs and eventually it worked up towards his head-he couldn't breathe and had a machine to do it for him.

Our family was very scared. It all happened so fast and we all thought it would be alright. The feeling came back to his chest but didn't come down any further than above his waist. Meanwhile my little brother got diagnosed with Diabetes. Type 1. Just what we needed. My mother was up to her head in stress and Joe(other brother)and me were scared stiff at home. Finally after 1 and a half years, Dad came home and Jake had been trying so hard to cope with his diabetes. Jake was a little brave solider- I am so proud of him. And my Dad for fighting for his life and for so much determination to walk again. He hopefully will walk again, we are all hoping. And are wishing that there will be a cure for diabetes in the near future.

I had a hard time at school, I couldn't stop thinking about it, but my friends were very supportive. But at school there always seemed to be a fall out going on in our group. I just couldn't be asked with it and told everyone how hard it was to hear the shouting and crying all over again. They all understood and made up. I am so glad they understood how I felt and made changes for me. Now I am in secondary school and my life has progressed with this lifestyle. I went to a Young Carers club where they are very understanding and caring to me. Unfortunaly we have moved house and the bus can't pick me up. My mum can't take me, so now I can't go to this Young Carers club anymore. The only thing I look forward to in the week and now that has been taken away from me. I see a mentor at school about my problems, she is very nice and she works for Young Carers. My confidence is growing every day and all you can do in life is live it to the extreme. Getting depressed only drags you down, think positive thoughts about life.

Rebecca / Bubbles | 13 | Devon
I always thought my family would live forever, I thought I could always be there for them, 2 years ago my nan got ill with cancer an my mum spent all her time looking after her, my sister was never home, an my brother was too busy doing his job, I fealt like I had no-one there for me, I started high school at the wrong time, an I couldnt stick it all, I got so.. depressed I started to slit my wristz an do stupid things, then my nan got better an I found out I had something worth living for, MY DREAM!! and it helped me through everything, then I started a new school an I was ready for everything.

Well thats wat I thought untill oneday my mum invited a though friendz round to hav a barbeque, an my mum was walking an she started choking, I was the only one that sore her, then she went blue an fell to the floor, I fealt like my whole world was gone,couple of dayz later she was up an back on her feet, an I thought it was ok, but about 3 months ago her legz started to fail an the doctor didnt know wat it was, he just told her to go away an take some pain killerz as it was just mild arthritus, but it was hurting my mum too much she couldnt cope with the pain, so she went back an gave her a blood test, an found out shez got some kind of disease eating at her legs an its started to eat her liver too, therez nothing they could do about it but put her on more tabletz.

I try to help around the house, but im only a kid I should be lisen to music an having fun with my matez, but if I go out my brother will hav a go at me, an say I should be there for her, my mum crys an says im not there 4 her, but im trying so.. hard, no, I dont wanna cuddle her an say its gonna be alright, I cant promise anything to anyone, I dont want to run to her an tell her that itz gonna be ok, yes I love her, yes im there 4 her, but im only a kid, I try, I try my best to do watz right an help her, I noticed yesterday that shez going bald, im afriad it might be cancer it runz in our family, but my mum just says itz da tablets so im not gonna worry, I cant worry ive gotta be there.

My dream is wat has pulled me through my life not even my mum can get inbetween it, I help around the house alot, I just need time away from it all, I feal like no-onez here 4 me, I feal like ive got nothing again, but my dreamz keeping me here, everyday I say to myself "i will make it!!" im getting closer an closer, I hide my fealings, I dont like getting upset in front of ppl, not even my friendz, I know ive gotta keep strong, I always cry at night wen no onez around, ppl think that I dont hav fealings but I do, I just dont like showing them, ya im loving I do my best in life, I wish I did hav a shoulder to cry on, but maybe oneday I will im doing ok, an I cant wait to start meeting new ppl, an forfill my dream.

Luv Becca

charlotte | 10 | blthway
My mum has ms and I have to help her to go and have a shower and I have to do the washing up also I have to help my mum when she falls over. Also I wash the clothes and make meals for us both and I have to be with my mum a lot just in case she falls over and hurts herself .

becky quinn | 18 | Hartlepool (uk)
hi my name is becky, I care for my mum who is disabled and she also has a mental health problem and she suffers from epilepsy as well. Since I was 6 years old i've looked after my mum. Throughout school I got bullied including secondary school, because I was quiet and shy and I wasn't the type of person to talk about my problems with anyone.

In 1999 I was introduced to an activities worker who worked for a young carers project, at the time I didnt really know that there was a project in hartlepool for young carers to go to.
througout my school life I was struggling to do my school work and also do my coursework for my last year to do my exams. I was scared at first to tell anyone about the problems I was facing. I eventually had the courage to tell my tutor at school who noticed that there was something different about me. My teacher asked why I was tired all of the time and she said was it because I was staying up late to do my homework from school. I couldnt hide the fact that I was a young carer from her I told her that I was a young carer and that I had been looking after my mum for a while and she said why didnt you come and talk to me about it. I found out that my tutor was also a carer and we had so much in common that everytime it was lunch break we used to talk about our problems with eachother.

I left school in 2002 and I went to college for a couple of months to study business management I thought that I wanted to be a manager but I realised that my heart wasnt in it, it was in music. I left college and I got a job as a home carer with the help of my experience at home I got the job. I left the job to study an NVQ in elderly care. Everytime I was feeling down I always had someone to talk to even if it was the next door neighbour, friends or teacher at school that I could talk to other than family about my responsibilities at home.

What im trying to say is that you may think that you are on your own with caring for a loved one and may think that no one wants to talk to you because you are different. But that's not the case, I felt I was on my own and that there was no one I could talk to, i'm really glad that the Young Carers Project is here in Hartlepool because without it I wouldnt know what to do or where to go to talk my problems with other people.

Since being involved with the young carers project the workers have helped me with self esteem and have also helped me to fulfill one of my dreams to be a professional singer. Being a carer is rewarding. I know from my experience that it is hard to do but when you know that you have helped someone with everyday things, which many of us take for granted, it puts a smile on my face to know that a task which the person you are caring for you can help them do and that it makes them feel good about themselves because they thought that they couldn't do that task and with your help they have managed to do it.

tom winstanley | 16 | haslemere (surrey)
hiha I am 16 yrs old and I have a disabled mum.she has got me and spinal disorder and she got it after I was born so I have grown up with it. but it is hard because she forgets things and I gota help her with house work and things aswell as going to college to do mechanics. I go to a young carers down near me and it is ok but I am the oldest one there so not much to do. my mum can walk but not very well so I gota push her around in a chair if we go out some where.

Emily | 15 | Norwich
I have a younger brother who is 4 years old, he does not do anything for himself so I have to wash him, give him some food and thats not all. At home I have to cook, clean the house, make breakfast and do the dishes. This is not fun at all because I dont get to out with my mates I have to stay in the house.

Nomi | 15 | Twickenham
Bea, that's not at all selfish. You deserve a holiday and a break as much as everyone else. I'm not a Young Carer and have never had any experience of it. I'm on your website because I'm a member of Twickenham Counsil's Youth Forum. This is like a mini-counsil where young people get to express their views on important matters. Our charity is Young Carers. After reading these, I understand how important you all are and what amazing people you all are and will become. Be proud of yourself, and I promise you, I'll do everything I can for your charity.

Kats | 18 | Devon
I'm on the other side! I'm the one being cared for as I have Cerebral Palsy. My Mum's my carer, bless her, she's great. I really admire all you young carers, I don't think I could be one. Not until i'm a mum anyway. But that's completely different innit, your choice, hopefully.
You should be really proud of yourselves, though I imagine you don't even think about it.

Asia Rose/Nosy Rosy | 9 | Bishops Stortford
Its very very hard...I should know, my brother has left side hemiplegia.
For people who don't know what that means, it is left side paralysis caused by brain damage. He has epilepsy and cannot talk very well. Because his speech is poor he gets very frustrated and takes it out on me! I get very upset because I know there is nothing we can do about it. I hope to get a penpal through the charity Hemihelp as I feel quite alone sometimes in how I feel. I think your website is brilliant and it has made me smile.

Lucy | 15 | Sands End
Its very hard but its what you want to do. You want to be there for your family. You are the one helping them. Keep your head high and don't take in what anyone says unless its good advice. Be strong and look after yourselves.

Smiler | 15 | Sands End
I'm not a young carer but I think that people that look after other people are really good beacuse they have their own lives but they take time to put other people first. I would like to say that all the little messages I have read are touching in there own ways. I like toes one.

tazharkness | 17 | Hubburn
It is very hard to look after my mam as I go to college.

Max | 15 | Cambridgeshire
Well I started looking after my mum about 7 years ago, and I find it hard to go to school. I am always in trouble for my attendance. I like looking after my mum but I know I should go to school. its hard to choose between them. I do go to school quite a bit I suppose but I have to have regular meetings about my attendance and i'm always in trouble for not handing in my coursework. I just wish there was a young carers group in my local area.

Janet | 34 | Highlands of Scotland
Having been a young carer myself in the past and now working as a young carers information worker, I would just like to say how fantastic your site is!!! Keep up the good work all of you!

lisa | 14 | sydney
My Mum developed Schizophrenia before I was born. I didn't know about it until I was nine years old when my Grandma told me. It was such a shock, I didn't even know anything about it. Because my grandma had a heart-attack later, I had to take on more responsibility - It was just me and Mum at home when Granma was in Hospital. When I was 10 years old I went to my first young carer camp, it was really fun! I learnt a lot about myself as a person and I just had a really great time in general! There were heaps of fun activities and I meet loads of great people. Since then, I have attended 4 YC camps in different areas of Sydney and the South Coast. Today I live with my mother and Grandma, I am currently campaigning for a new service for young carers of people with a mental illness in Queensland.
Being a young Carer is very hard, but ultimately rewarding, as you realise the person you're caring for might not be here without your help. Keep Caring!

bigjohnsutton | 11 | Thornton
My dad was diagnosed with cancer and I was helping my mum out caring for him. My dad later died, date of death: 4th June 2002.

Beth | 19 | Durham/London
Hey, I've just been reading through the comments on this website, and just wanted to say a HUGE well done to everyone who's posted. You are stronger than you know, and you'll get through.

Experiances of being a young carer...well, I've been caring for my mum ever since I was about 8. She had very bad depression at the time, and used to take it out on us by hitting on us...not good memories. At the time though, there wasn't really any provision to help young carers out, so as the eldest I got used to shopping, taking my younger brother and sister to school, cooking, cleaning...you know, the usual jazz.

Mum seemed to have got her depression under control...but then was diagnosed with Chronic Obstructive Airway's Disease, Crush fractures, arthritis...yeah, as you can guess, the list goes on. So again I had to help out, which can be a little difficult when you're doing your GCSE's at the time!

Having said all that, I think, like most young carers, I would still care even if I had the choice not to. I love my family, and I love my mum, and they mean the world to me. What I would like to see is more support for young carers, particularly those affected by mental disabilities...often there seems to be such a stigma attatched which stops people from getting the help they need.

Again, just to encourage anyone who reads this. You are strong, and you CAN do it. Believe in yourselves...because you've already got through more than most, and you can do a lot more.

Dest | 17 | Suffolk
From about the age of 15 I think is when my mum started to get really ill. She has M.E. its like this illness which makes her tire really quickly and she's always in pain, on top of that she has crumbling at the base of her spine and on sum days shes unable to move coz the pains that bad.
I have to help do everything around the house, i've got a little bro 14 and sis 15, ,they too young to help I guess my sis does sumtimes but my bro is the typical boy, him and my sis always argue, that stesses my mum out then I get stressed, the next thing I know world war 3 is breaking out! only a few of my friends know, I dont like to load my probs onto them, the ones that do know r really supportive tho! But as they say there always sumone worse off than u, im just thankful I got a roof ova my head and people who care about me! although being a carer does have it's down sides I still love the responsibility of looking after my mum! xxx

Charlie | 15 | Birmingham
Being a young carer is interesting, u get a lot of xperiences outta it, sum good n sum bad. But my ickle bro - (not so ickle nemore!) has learning dificulties, cant walk witout unaided, needs everyfink doin 4 him - n is obssessed wit toilets - not the bestconvo topic - but dats wot most of mine seem2 b about wen I talk 2 him. Most of my m8s dont understnd wot I do, n he can b very annoyin so I find it hard 2 cope. My mum seems 2 do loadsa work 2 get out of the house os has no time 4 me, but having sed all this im stil glad im alive n I fink its always gd 2 try n rememba people hu r in a situation worse than u - dat reeli puts fings in2 persepctiv.xxx

Mandy 'Nadie' Rollins | 30 | Southern Staffordshire (Cannock)
I have not had the experience of being a young carer - I was an adult carer for some years starting at the age of 22 when I thought my life with my boyfriend in our new home together was going to be ace - until he was hit by joyriders in a stolen car and was crushed down the right side of his body. Thankfully after six years, tons of surgery, physio, plastic surgery and care he does not need my support as a carer now. I was angry that my life was not what I expected it to be and was deeply disappointed that my first home and my life with my bloke was not like that of my friends - as we were not able to pub & club like our friends. But through all of this my love for my bloke and my want to care for him never changed. I was so very tired, tearful, stressed and lost! I felt like my life was over before it began - but I survived. My experiences as a carer help me to understand some of the problems faced by young carers and the issues that surround caring. I just wanted to say you are the most very special young people - for all the right reasons. Stay well - Nadie x - a Young Carers Development Worker for CASS.

Becca | 11 | Chingford
Well, It's quite embarrassing some times my brother who is disabled always stands up in the car and sticks his hand out of the window, so I feel quite scared as well.
It is amazing to watch them improve. Just the other day my brother came home telling us the days of the week and we were so proud of him because he couldn't tell us that before.
I really love my bother and I can't imagine my life without him. I get scared because when he goes to a disabled home I won't be able to see him as much and I am scared they may treat him wrong etc.
I am so happy when I see him progress every day.
I hope you are proud of your disabled family member.

Anon | 17 | FULHAM
I read Lizzie 48 from devon on her life and would like to say that she's a very brave woman and I hope in life she will find true happiness for everything shes been through, I hope she understands its not her fault for what has happened. I really wish her the best of luck and it was a brave thing to do to tell your story and telling others to be nice and understand children! GOOD LUCK!

JANE | 17 | HAMMERSMITH
Lots of housework despite going to college cause my mum's on holiday for months. I lost weight and really tired out. I don't think she should have gone for so long cause i'm doing everything and all the worries are on top of my head and I have to look after my brothers and sister. The only good thing though is that I get to do what ever I want and i'm the leader of the house, still though work is just my life! If your in a situation like mine just keep smiling since this is life and if you have brothers, scream at them so they can listen to you! GOOD LUCK!

Lizzie | 48 | Devon
Two days after my eleventh birthday in 1965 my father died.
On his way to hospital he said "look after your Mum". Mum had a breakdown, sold my toys, our furniture and our home. She got into debt, kept falling out with the neighbours, kept hitting me and blaming me for everything. I had no clothes only what she got me from the WRVS. At school when I went (and it wasn’t that often) I was bullied because I was on free school meals and wore second hand clothes. My head was stuck down a dirty toilet and I was beaten black and blue. I was always getting into trouble. I even threw a chair through the school window. I had no friends, only my animals. I was working 6-8 hours a day just to get money so we could live. Eventually we ended up living in a holiday Chalet at Jaywick Sands. The Sea would come over the wall. By now I was working and going to evening classes. I became a nurse then a Police Officer. Still Mum kept falling out with people. She was always on tablets. Whatever I did never pleased her.

She blamed me for how we were living and the fact my Dad had died and I had lived. She always kept on about my promise. A child’s promise that she would look after her Mother. I became a Police Officer. Dealt with children and young people who had run away from home because they were young carers who couldn’t cope. I would tell them I understood, they would say I was a Cop, how could I. But that was my secret.

I got married but was in a violent marriage. Still Mum expected me to support her physically, financially and emotionally. Every time I had a friend Mum would say she disliked them. I met my current husband and to start with she liked him. Then she started to play up as she had done when I was a child. She fell out with her neighbours, accused me and my husband of being bad people. Then in 1983 I got injured and since then have been very ill yet Mum still expects me to be her carer and give her whatever she wants.

For years as a child then an adult I kept asking the system for support with Mum. Everyone said it was me who had the problem not her and everyone said I could cope. In 1997 my life fell apart in more ways than one. Both Mum and my husband turned against me for various reasons. Like a fool I tried to kill myself by cutting my wrists. I saw sense at the last minute. From 1997 until last October I had nothing more to do with my Mother. Then the Police phone and said she had fallen and broken her hip. Then me and my husband both started to hear the bad things she has been saying about us for years. I got a Solicitor, wrote a 29 page letter to Social Services and told them just how I had grown up. I told them a child’s dream of wanting to be a Police Officer had become a Woman's Nightmare. Now they are saying how very sorry they are. In my case it's too late. But I am very lucky because I have come through the other side and I am now writing a book.

To whoever reads this, please understand that children may appear to be resilient and may appear to be able to cope. But if any of those kids are like me they will build walls and appear to be able to cope because that way they can't get hurt anymore. All children have the right to a childhood and I am hoping that by me telling my story others will gain. Sorry if my grammar and spelling are not too good but I suffer with minor brain damage from injuries received whilst a Police Officer. I really hope that what I have written will make those adults in power see that times must change and children must be allowed to be children.

perkylady | 62 |Arkansas, USA
Unfortunately being a care taker does not always stop when you become an adult. I cared for my mother who had cancer for 5 yrs. before she died. I then cared for my father for ten yrs. (He had fallen from a great height) Before my father passed away we, my husband and I, brought his 93 year old mother to live with us. We cared for her until she passed on 5 yrs. later.
Am I sorry about having been a caretaker. No. Not even for one minute.

Robynn | 8 | Hammersmith
I have 3 sisters, my oldest sister is autistic. I help mum with my baby sister Stevie. I like being a young carer because I get to go on trips with the carers centre.

Becky | 37 | Fulham
I'd like to say that as a person who is cared for it's both refreshing and heart wrenching to read some of the comments.
I have cried myself, at seeing my kids suffer, through the uncertainty of how far my illness would take us as a family. I'd like to say its brought us closer but that would be a lie. The experiences have taught us to express how we feel, that is where young carers comes in. Its an outlet for one of my kids. Well done carers keep strong GOD BLESS.

D.I.B.B.Y | 17 | Hammersmith
I love being a carer!

Tod | 14 | London
I look after my Dad who is very ill. I am an only child so I have a very hard life!! I don't have much of a social life. I am the adult in the house. I'm always tired and I miss a lot of school!

Gem | 17 | Hertfordshire
I am 17 and I have been caring since I was 5, my step-dad was diagnosed with MS and my brother was born 8 weeks prem, my mum was only 21 and it was really hard on both of us. We have had loads of trouble then my sister was born when I was 7 and she was 6 weeks prem. My step-dad was diagnosed with A.D.H.D, and so was my brother and sister. They both have other problems and only my brother has a statement. I also have a younger sister who is now 6, so life isn't all that good, specially now mum and step-dad are going through a divorce. So I know how hard it is people, and I know that we as young carers should have more praise by the Professionals, coz if we weren't here then they would be the ones needing a carer! Keep up the good work people.

Coco | 13 | bonnyrigg
I hate being a young carer as u get less social time but I would help my mum and dad as much as I can to make things easier.

Bea | 12 | Bath
My brother is 18 but he has a mental age of about 5. He cannot wash, toilet or dress himself and I often do it for him. He is sumtimes really funny and I enjoy caring for him. Other times I get annoyed especially in the summertime when all my friends are boasting about going on cruises or 2 weeks holidays in spain and the most I get is a few days sumwhere in England because we cant leave my bro for very long. That may sound selfish or ungrateful but it's how a feel.

dimples | 14 | west kensington
I look after my mum. She has an eating disorder. She has been that way nearly all my life, since I was a little girl. I don't mind it but I like to have a bit of time with my friends. I cook, I clean, I help my mum shower the hard to reach places like her back, her legs, her arms and so on. I go out with my friends but I have to do my cleaning first. When my friends come to stay at my house most of the time I'm doing somthing for my mum and I feel like "why dont I have a normal nagging mum?" but you can't always get what you want in life.

Helena | 13 | Fulham
At first it was kind of hard but now it seems to be just ordinary life. I wake myself at 6 a.m. every single morning and help my mum and my brother get ready. I sometimes go out with my friends but I often find that I am restricted! My mum suffers from arthritis and sometimes gets paralysed. This makes my life extremely hard as I have to juggle my homework and house chores. I tell my friends and I am not really embarrased and they are extremely understanding.

cat | 12 | Fulham
I look after my brother. I change his nappies, I feed him, I stop him crying. I play with him and in the future I will help him with his homework. That's if my dyslexia gets better.

toes | 13 | Fulham
I have to look after my mum and dad. My mum's got ulcerated legs and my dad got a liver disorder. My mum's been in and out of hospital for three and a half years so its hard but I'm coping. All you people out there who have to look after someone - keep your head high and dont worry.

Jayne | 33 | Warwickshire
I was 12 when my Dad died, I had a younger brother and a 6 week old baby sister, my mum over time began to get depressed as she couldnt cope with bringing us up on her own with no support, eventually she had a nervous breakdown and tried to commit suicide. I spent most of my time at home and not attending school, cooking, cleaning and helping to run the house and look after the kids, I spent 5 years doing this until my mum met my step dad and married him.
We didnt have projects to support us kids when I was young, I suppose thats probably why I'm a project worker for Rugby Young Carers these days, having been in your shoes myself I can appreciate everything thing that you do and know you all deserve to be recognised. Good luck to you all in the future.

Anna | 23 | Norfolk
My mum has been disabled with ME since I was 15 and because of this she also has had a series of strokes. Like many of the kids whose stories I have read on this site, I was an only child with no dad around, and had to deal with everything on my own, so I know what you guys are going through.
I am now older, and still caring for my mum and now I know that I have made her life easier and happier by being here for her. All the hard work was and is worth it.
Your help and love is appreciated by those you care for - even though
sometimes you may feel taken for granted.

Heather | 12 | Devon
I have an autistic sister. She is called Rebekah and is 9 years old. She is normally lovely but then she will throw a tantrum at us and she won't stop for hours! It is really hard. Sometimes I feel left out because of her. Mum always wants to know about how she is getting on in school and where she is. Then my mum has my brother to worry about. He is 15 and growing up fast! He is doing course work for his GCSE'S at the moment so she is always worried about what marks he is going to get.

What is the hardest point in my life is the fact that my mum and dad work. My mum is a lieutenant commander in the royal navy and my dad is a captain. It really upsets me because most of the time my dad is away and can't help but he is very understanding towards me. My mum normally works a lot. Yesterday she got offered a job. When she told me I cried and I begged her not to do it but she said that we needed the money and I could see her point. She will leave the house at 9:00 (by that time I have already gone to school) and then get home at 5 to 6:30. That means that me and my brother have to look after my sister until then. I used to hate going to my primary school. I used to get called names because of my sister. I didn't mind them calling ME names but when they called my sister names I was really upset. One boy said to me "Your sister is ssssssssssssooooooooo thick! She can't do anything for herself!!!" I was sssssooooooo mad that I threw my school dinner over him and stormed out the hall.

It is very hard with people who don't understand and it is also hard with people who do understand. I have loads of mates and they all know about my sister but they still don't get how I feel. When I get really upset and I start to cry because of it they comfort me and say "I understand heather! I understand." but they don't! They think they do but they can't see how hard it is for me and my brother, Alastair, to cope.

Scud | 12 | Cheshire
I look after my mum because she has clinical depression and a physical condition that I don't yet know the name of. I don't live with my dad and I have never met him so it's just me and my mum. I have help from social services which is gr8, I also go to a young carers club every Tuesday night which I love. I feel good knowing other people also are young carers, thnx for settin up such a brilliant website I really admire you all for it.
I feel the same way as a lot of you e.g. writing poetry. It's the only way I can express my feelings, I came 2nd in Cheshire for doing a poem about the tempest I was only 11! This is a poem ive written about being a young carer...Embarrassed, frustrated.

My life a rush of chaos, pandemonium and often terror.
When will it cease, when will its sinister wrath let go of my life?
The day it does and the day I stop getting bullied because of what I do is the day the world is rid of war, suffering and satanic act...could it come sooner, please?

Jamie Day | 12 | Sleaford, Lincolnshire
My brother is disabled and I look after him when he needs help and I help him with a lot of things.

Tufty | 11 | Washington, tyne and wear
I have a older brother who has terrote syndrom. I help my mum and dad look after him, sometimes it gets hard but I try my best.

Lucee | 13 | Surrey
My 12 year old brother is autistic, he goes to a weekly boarding school, but on weekends when I wanna have friends round it's hard, my friends r really great tho. I just want to say to Elisa, you're one brave girl to publish that story in Bliss, good 4 u.

Cool Dude | 12 | Wales
My mum is in a wheelchair, so me, my sister and my dad do the washing up, shopping, cleaning and lots more. Sometimes its hard because I don't get 2 see my friends as much as I'd like 2. But sometimes its fun!!

Clare | 17 | Dundee
I care for my mum who has a mental illness and it is really diffcult because I have a mental illness too. I find it really diffcult to care for her cause I am unwell too and I don't get out much with friends and my school work suffers too. But in Dundee we have a Young Carer youth club which is on every wednesday where young carers from the age of 10 can go and have fun and meet our young carers in the same situation as them. We also have a Partnership which tries to raise awareness of young carers in Dundee and they go into school (and sometimes young carers go 2) and they have also designed with the help of the young carers a young carers assessment.

Beehappy | 13 | Solihull
I look after my younger brother who has learning difficulties and can't walk unaided. It is difficult because I don't get 2 go out with friends as much and I am always the responsible one in my group of friends. My mum gets really tired looking after him and then she gets cross with everyone. This is not nice!

Chantel | 14 | Croydon
I wake up at 7am every morning to dress my mum and make her breakfast. By 8.30 I leave for school. It's really hard for me sometimes. My friends give me the most help at school.

Magic K | 16 | Haringey
I have been looking after my mum since I was eight and last year looked after my dad while he was terminally ill with cancer. I do everything I can for my mum but I find it so diffulcult because I dont have many friends around my area as I moved over here 3 months ago from south london. I have my good days and my bad days I try not to let my mum know how I feel because I don't wanna stress her out. The way I sometimes deal with my problems is by writing poems.

Key of poetry:
Poems are full of words,
sometimes with no meaning,
sometimes full of feelings.
Secret little fantasies,
Private little thoughts,
Chained up emotions,
needing to be unlocked,
With the key of poetry.

Sigourney | 11 | Hammersmith
I help my mum with my older brother. He is sort of autistic and will not go out on his own, so sometimes I take him out.

Vince | 15 | Beckenham
I help my mum and its fine.

Cauliflower | 13 | Shepherds Bush
I spend my time dragging my brother off the wall. He's quite a character and it takes one hell of a character to help him out.

Bob | 13 | London
I do the washing up, bath my mum at times and take her to music events. Being a sleep lover and going to the young carers project is cool, we get to eat cheese and go on trips.

Leanne | 13 | Fulham
I have to look after my mother whenever she has a fit. I do everything and I lose myself in my playstation.

Ez | 8 | Shepherds Bush
Being a young carer is really sad and annoying. I find it hard to cope with my brother's behaviour. He never means sorry.